In freefall

Sonic died today.

My parents safely arrived home from their holiday on Wednesday and were quickly updated with the previous week's event. Sonic was delivered home and went for a sleep on their bed but according to dad she didn't look right.

Yesterday I went over to see mum and Sonic. The old girl still seemed really weak and hadn't been eating or drinking much at all. We spent the afternoon talking about the holiday and generally fussing over Sonic, giving her lots of cuddles. I had to admit that she didn't seem herself.

This afternoon I had nipped into Leeds to get some new trainers for my running training. Let's just say I don't think JJB has ever made an easier sale. While I was waiting for the assistant to bring out the trainers for me to try on, I got a call from Liz, who asked me if dad had been in touch about Sonic. He hadn't, so I tried to phone him up but my phone had no credit. I get free texts though so sent him a message asking him to phone me up. He did. In tears. Sonic had collapsed late this morning and they had rushed her to the vets where they were told she was in renal failure. They had little option but to have her put to sleep. At this moment, the assistant arrived with the trainers for me to try. I just stuck my feet in them, didn't bother tying them and just said they were fine. In the queue to pay for them I broke down in tears and the harder I tried to fight it, the worse it was. I paid for the trainers and left. Once outside JJB, I lost the feeling of my legs and had to prop myself up on some railings. Dad said he'd come and collect me from Leeds and take me home to say goodbye to Sonic.

When we got home, I went into the lounge to see Sonic's bed in the middle of the floor, on the rug. I walked up to it, and in a fleecy blanket was a furry bundle. My girl. She looked like she was asleep. The rest of the afternoon I sat with her, stroking her, crying, saying my goodbyes, laughing at the funny things she used to do.

I still feel in shock. If I'm honest, I knew this has been coming for a long time, but this isn't quite how I imagined it would be. I thought her health would deteriorate more steadily but even though she had been ill, this all happened so quickly. It's probably for the best. We couldn't have had her suffering. I don't know. I just kind of thought she'd gradually get worse until we called the vet to the house to have her put to sleep in her own surroundings. I didn't really want her to die in the vets because over her life she was hardly ever been there, in fact, in her whole life, she'd only spent about 3 nights away at the vets. I also thought I'd be there with her, holding her at the end. She has always been there for me when I needed her, and I always vowed that I'd be there for her right 'til the end. At least my parents were with her and they said she was very calm.

I don't really know what else to say right now, going to cry again.

Thank you Sonic for being part of our family for 15 fantastic years. You've been an amazing pal, a funny, clever and gentle girl. You will always be in our hearts, words can't convey how much we love you (and we always will) and we'll never, ever forget you. Sleep sweetly my baby one xxxx

NLO