Play that funky mu-zak... on second thoughts, don't.

Today I'm going to talk about the music that we have to endure when being put on hold.

Yesterday I had to phone up the council with a query regarding my council tax. I don't like having to make phone calls at the best of times but this was one call I was dreading. It was just a straight forward question I had, nothing too complicated to sort out so that wasn't why I'd developed a nervous twitch. It was down to this reason alone - I knew the torture that the council had lined up for me for having the audacity to trouble them.

The fact is this. Being put on hold is bad enough. Frustrating - check. Boring - check. No scratch that, I mean mindnumbing - check. Nowadays I usually make sure I'm logged onto the internet when I know I have to make a call like that so at least I can do something useful, for example, blog about how bored I am being put on hold. However, the first time I ever phoned up the council I didn't expect the racket that they put on for me to listen to, presumably to keep me entertained. I think it can only be described as being sort of an emsemble of reception class age children trying (and failing) to sing and clap both harmoniously and in time and thus achieving neither. I can sort of see how this could be considered endearing but not when a 'genuine' brass section, courtesy of a Casio keyboard from the 80s accompanies it. And just incase you don't appreciate it the first time, they have it on a loop. So your hopes of the song changing to something more tolerable in a little while are dashed.

I am pretty sure that the council tax phone lines can't always happen to be engaged for around 10 minutes each time someone phones, but it certainly seems to be the case in this instance. This leads me to wonder if the staff know how bad the hold music is and, for their amusement, keep you hanging on for a token length of time. Then by the time they respond you either - a) forget why you have phoned in the first place b) are covering your ears to block out the music but don't hear the person talking to you on the other end of the phone who then hangs up on you or c) have lapsed into some sort of coma. My other theory is that they just pick something awful for you to listen to with the hope it's going to put you off phoning in the first place.

This all leads me to the important question - where the hell do they find this tosh to inflict on us in the first place? Do they employ some kind of 'hold music scout' to seek out the most dreadful noise to delight us all with? Are there special recording studio facilities where people who are desperate to get their big break go to in the meantime to earn a crust by deafening the poor unsuspecting consumer? Answers on a postcard to the usual address please.

Over and out

NLO

PS - Very soon you will be getting some actual, genuine , real-life insight into what life as a medical student is like. That's right folks, on Sunday I'm moving down to Warwick and Monday will be my first day on the long path to finally becoming a doctor. Help us all.